bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
