she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
