I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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