everyone is single if you try hard enough
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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