We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
