I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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