You're my little dorito
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
