my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
