Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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