It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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