So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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