Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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