Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
