Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
