there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
