I think I won the penis lottery.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
