If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
