Just mADE A PArabola og urine
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
