i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
