I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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