You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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