just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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