The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
