So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
