the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
