Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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