Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
