It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
