As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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