the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
