You smell like a Billy Joel song
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
