'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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