Umm I'm too high to move.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Randomize
