....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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