people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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