i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
