"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
