Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize