no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
