it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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