I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize