you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Randomize