look no pants
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
