She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
