Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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