Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
