things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You have to summon your inner elephant
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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