I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
