Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
