Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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