Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
