If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
