So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
