Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
