I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just want nice things and good sex
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
