There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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