I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
