I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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