Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize