I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
