By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I fill condoms, not promises.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
