need another drink. this is the easiest way
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
